Yesterday.. Was such a weird, awful day. I had an unexpected code... The kind where one minute they are talking to you... And the next minute CPR has started! Usually I handle things pretty well... I usually keep my cool.., but this was not one of those times. This made me question my career choice. Can I really handle working in the ER? Will it ever get easier? What do I need to do to get out of this job? Those are the kind of questions that have been rolling in my head!
I fessed up to my husband about when I was younger I would talk to myself in the mirror like I was a famous actor. I mentioned that maybe I should start taking classes. He didn't say much about it.
The whole situation made me think... Am I doing what I want to do in life?
It's such a hard question... Being a Christian, I have to stop myself and rephrase it. What does God want me to do in this life?
Pause.
Pause.
Uggghhh there goes that reminder! God is in control, not me. Not saying that God wants me to just work in the ER for the rest of my life... But... That maybe God is trying to call me back. Maybe he's getting me to refocus.
I miss being in church, being in his word, driving down the road... And hearing Him actually speak to me.
He has a great plan for me. I know he will grant me the desires of my heart., but I need to seek him. Not just expect him to be there just because.
So here goes God. First three things I would like to do-first that come to mind-- missions trip, feed homeless, and become an actress. Really weird list, but totally do- able. So thus, the beginning of my God willing list! Reading the word and prayer is the key!!!!! I always say that... I need to do it. I need to stay close to God and His word. I don't ever want to feel the way I did yesterday! Never ever!!!!!<3 Jessica
